Weekly Oracle: Vulnerability + Resentment + Healing

I'll be doing Weekly Oracles over on my Instagram account every Monday instead of doing them here. I'd like to focus on more quality vs. quantity writing here in this space. Also, in July I will be leaving for a month long hike along the Oregon coast. I'll be spending most of June getting prepared.

You ever feel like your vulnerability can lead you to a path of resentment? Confidently you start off baring your truth, only to recoil at yourself because seemingly, there is no reciprocity or care of this fragile thing you exposed - perhaps not the way you wanted it. Not the way you expected it. Once you've shown or exposed that soft spot, you suddenly feel shameful or too much. Maybe you gave too much. You cared too much. Always kind of echoing in the back of your mind, "why do I care so much, why do I care so much, why do I care so much?" starts forming like god damn bramble shoots, taking over everything. 

Then begins the slow construction of a wall. Laying it in front of yourself, brick by brick. But you build it about chest high, so you can still see the person/people on the other side and talk with them... but they can't completely reach you. You're protected yourself to the point of letting nothing in and nothing out. They can't see much, neither can you. You're able to dip down when you feel like it, to feel secure again and maintain your safe space.

This wall prevents full expression of my self, a compassionate expression. It's coming from a place of fear. Fear of loss and hurt. So when I act in the world, or with people I care about - it is distorted. It's laced with paranoia, anxiety, mistrust.

I roll my eyes into the back of my skull, I. Do. Not. Want. To. Look. At. This.

This is how I have felt the past few days, or several, really.

Annoyingly, I keep getting fours. Rest/withdrawal refusal/indignation. My deck knows me, the cheeky shit. It won't let me hide. Too many times I've pulled the same cards back to back the past few days. For me, this was the recognition and affirmation that I needed to get my head straight.

FOUR OF CUPS

Super fixed tepid water, this card. This outright refusal of an offering, a magic, magic thing just hovering right there. Too focused on the issue at hand to notice a way to solve it. An answer, a helping hand, a helping spirit, a helping cup of tea. Even the tree friend has this closed up persons back, if only they opened up. They seem to be content to sit with their problems.

Four of Cups - resentment vulnerability healing

Finally, it dawned on me...

How can I let go of my resentments and heal from my hurts?

Sometimes, when you're really in the thick of it, you can't see that helping hand, tree friend, person, spirit. All you can see is your sick vision. So, this is what I got:

Wild Unknown - Strength Ace of Pentacles and 9 of Wands

Here we have Strength. In this case, it is the willpower to calm those wild inner emotions with love and compassion and tame them. This doesn't happen through mentally whipping and lashing ourselves, but by caring for that hurt and pain. We're going to suffer in this life regardless, why create more monsters or feed those monsters by being harsh with ourselves? It takes emotional willpower and inner strength to turn and face these aspects of ourselves.  To cut through the fog and find that root cause of our reactions and resentments that we carry with us. 

Despite wounds, being cut or even say if it was a healthy trimming away and letting go, there's an abundance of growth to come from it. Healing is occurring with recognition of our hurts and resentments. If we can summon up that inner resolve to face them, heal and evolve from them, our inner core can shine brightly. We don't have to hide behind the wall we create any more. Safely, we can move about in the world in our true, raw brightest forms. The center of this cut tree is the heartwood, the very core of something living and sturdy. It shines on brightly, reaching through all layers of our life. An opening from the inside out.

Even with that burst of the Ace, it ain't an easy road doing this kind of healing work. Some days, it can seem like this is an uphill battle. Tripping and stumbling up the stairs. It's good to remember to be gentle to ourselves, especially if you're the type to suck it up, put on the blinders and plough on despite your hurting, lashing yourself along the way. There's a strength here though that goes back to the first card, as these aren't just nimble wands but great big sturdy logs. One foot in front of the other each day, slowly and steady. With perseverance, we can uncover what hides within us.

Much love to you all, as we tread our own crooked, twisting winding and brilliantly beautiful paths. 

Spring Check In + Rein It In + Ground the Fire

In this post, I am digging back and checking into a year long spread I did for myself on Samhain of 2015. This has been an interesting process to see how things have manifested for me over the course of this year. You can read more about this elaborate spread I created, here.

The moment the sun moved into Aries I felt a fire lit under my ass. It was a very powerful time, full of energy, spring was unseasonably early (again). This has been a very, very good time for me and a lot happened. I felt like a thoroughbred, feelin' my oats at a full gallop.

7 OF BOWS - CLEARANCE

Back in... January, I cancelled my home internet. Best/worst decision ever. I feel like that was my manifestation of the 7 of Bows - Clearance. It cleared up a lot of personal space for me. Coming home from work was about reading, being quiet, sitting in the tub, journalling, cooking good meals for myself. It was awesome making that space for myself and I was able to do it for about 4 months. I just got internet about 2 weeks ago. It was a really interesting experiment. But ultimately, being a business owner without an active connection just isn't easy.

The reason? Well, it's really hard for me to get into any sort of blogging space. It was hard to do readings for folks. I wanted to work on labels for products I'd like to sell here. I wanted to do research, etc.

Let me tell you, it's really hard to get into any sort of creative mindset when you're sitting next to a woman who is wearing perfume that destroys your olfactory sense, hair metal is blasting and over all this in a busy ass coffee shop is a mother trying to read or rather, shout a book at her child. No thank you.

I kind of look at it as a detox. It helped reset my internetting habits. If you struggle at all with adult ADD, you know just what a devastatingly tempting mistress the internet can be.

Three of Arrows - Jealousy

Interestingly this had nothing to do with love, quite the opposite actually. I learned quite a valuable thing this spring: do not compare yourself to others. It sounds pretty simple, but it ain't. It's easy to look at what others are doing and wonder why you aren't doing the same, why you don't have the same, why you aren't as good, etc.

The grass is greener where you water it.

So, I was faced with insecurities, my fears, doubt, feelings of worthlessness. The best course of action during states such as that, is deep self-examination... find the source of those feelings and work on them, rather than complaining, lashing out, or making enemies. Also realize that what you have to offer this world is as completely unique as you are. The battle I think, is learning how to own that. And that's something I am working on.

Five of Vessels - Ecstasy

ec·sta·sy

ˈekstəsē/

noun

  1.  

    an overwhelming feeling of great happiness or joyful excitement.

    "there was a look of ecstasy on his face"

  2.  

    an emotional or religious frenzy or trancelike state, originally one involving an experience of mystic self-transcendence.

I think ecstasy is something we can work towards, or try to cultivate it into happening. It can be coaxed without the use of psychoactives. It can come when least expected too. For me, this was more about recognition, honouring and surrendering to this state. Recognition of greater forces at work in my own life, an opening up and receiving of this kind of joy and happiness. 

Spring has been fantastic so far, but fires can only burn for so long.

In the past few weeks while multiple planets were/are retrograde, I took that as an opportunity to pull back from all the intensity of sun in Aries. If there's one thing I've learned about my Aries self, it's that we can burn hot and not realize we're running on fumes, then we crash and burn and recovery can be a right bitch! Cultivating good earthy stillness, drawing up nourishment so that flame can be fed...

Vision

This is where the Vision card from Earthbound Oracle comes in. Note the blindfold. This is an inner vision and exploration within the self. A kind of turning inward to amalgamate and metabolize all the bursting forth and activity that occurred during spring, which is where I feel I am at right now. Not about seeing with my physical eyes, but my spiritual eyes.

So, that's my spring so far.

Moving into summer will be super, super interesting! I have a big trip planned for July that I will be talking about here soon I think...

It's a little weird to me, to think that come July I will be living in a tent for a month while I walk north to south down the coast 🤔🌊

A photo posted by Britton Periscope@archaichoney (@archaichoney) on

Earned, Not Given Freely + 5 of Blooms

I've been doing another tarot challenge over on Instagram, #tarotselflove. I chose the Wooden Tarot for this one, because I wanted to get comfy working with this deck. For so long it has sat on my wichin' table collecting plant and dust matter. While occasionally I would work with the major cards, I did not work with it in its whole form.

I have an interview I have done with it coming up soon, that I want to post here. Perhaps more too, because this deck is... different. It's a challenger and will shake up your tarot world once you start reading with it.

While I've been throwing daily draws over in my Daily Oracle section, I wanted to highlight this card here. It was a tough one. It not only gave me a powerful answer, but I learned a lesson in it too.

Ok, so you're sitting with your cards and you ask a question.

Shuffle shuffle.

You draw a card.

It makes no sense.

None.

No connection. It's not even relevant to your question...

STOP.

Now, dig. Dig deep down. There is an answer, there always is. If we aren't challenged, how will we ever grow?

This was the card I pulled for todays prompt: What should I be more grateful for?

When I looked at this, I almost reshuffled. What is even here to be grateful for? This is desolation, destruction. If you have ever stood in a clear cut, something is clearly missing. Those of us deeply connected to the land and its unseen and seen inhabitants knows this feeling of loss, anger, abuse, greed.

What is to be grateful here? I asked.

I dug, I searched.

It's about finding a way out of an ugly place, or transforming it.

You have to find your way out of it, or learn how to spur new growth. 5 of Blooms says, be grateful because the means with which to navigate those lands and make good on it requires finding your own tools. Be grateful for the experience of earning those abilities and tools, because they are not just given freely.

These tools are earned and learned through the experience of pain, loss and suffering. With them, we can move forward and face future challenges better equipped to handle what they may throw at us, with grace, understanding and compassion.

When you’re overwhelmed by despair, all you can see is suffering everywhere you look. You feel as if the worst thing is happening to you. But we must remember that suffering is a kind of mud that we need in order to generate joy and happiness. Without suffering, there is no happiness.
— Thich Nhat Hanh

This is why I love tarot. It really gives us the opportunity to learn and face aspects of ourselves that are not always in plain sight.

New Moon in Aquarius + Personal Cleansing

I keep turning over cards with the moon in it. The Moon, moons, crescent moons, frowning moons, moons being eaten...

The Moon.

What is a witch even, without the moon? The truth is, the moon is cold to me and I have had a difficult time connecting with her over the years. There was the eclipse in Aries back in '15, when she was painted red and my world was, well, eclipsing. I woke at the odd hour of the night to watch her shift from pure white, to rust colored menstrual red. Some kind of ancestral memory would surface while I watched. Fear! Doom! The end is nigh! But no, it was just me, shivering on my back stoop, wrapped in a shawl hoping I wouldn't be harassed by night passing meth users.

The sun I find joy in, warmth, life, things grow, I am not cold. This I understand and in that I feel safe. But we don't always learn new things by staying in safe comfort zones.

Not so safe!

Not so safe!

That moon though... she's all complicated and I feel so indifferent to her. Aloof.

I feel a bit like the Fool, wandering into the scene of The Moon while I type this. It's is unknown, a bit wild and fearful. Subterranean creatures surfacing from our sub-conscious. However, there is a pathway through this card...

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And so it is, when something wants your attention, it makes itself known. Again and again and again... So, do the smart thing: pay attention, respond.

While I do track and follow the lunar month for magical purposes, I haven't dug deeper. I aim to change that. I don't know how specifically, but I think that through acknowledgement of this synchronistic pattern I am seeing, taking steps to be more observant, followed by research and taking some baby steps some sort of path will reveal itself. Probably by moon light ;)

We are currently approaching the new moon in Aquarius and new moons are excellent times to begin new practices and habits, start projects, sow seeds, clean out junk from the old cycle, bring in the new and such like. So here we are. She comes aknockin' and would you look at the timing...

One of my favorite ways of cleaning the slate is with a bath. A magical spiritual bath.

As I have been taught and learned this ought to be one of the cornerstones of regular practice. Sometimes this gets overlooked, or forgotten or you know, one becomes lazy. But the miasma builds up and then enough is enough already! Take the damn bath.

For Saturday, Sunday and Monday I will be rising before dawn to bathe. Three days to suit my personal needs. However ideally this is just done once a week as part of regular routine maintenance. Sunday being my favorite day to do this kind of work.

So what are we cleaning here exactly? Build up negative kinds of energy (miasma). This can come from anywhere. The bus, the train, workplace, your own mind, during a magical working, etc. As we go about our daily lives, we both put things on ourselves and negative things can become attached to us. Wash it away!

My personal method comes from within the tradition of conjure or, Hoodoo. I do not do this work in a relaxed, self care kind of fashion. This is work.

Bay, rue, hyssop, rosemary and lavender.

Bay, rue, hyssop, rosemary and lavender.

Rising before dawn I mix together rue, hyssop, lavender, rosemary and bay brewing this into a tea. Any purification herbs can be used to your liking. Along with that, I use a salt blend with rue and hyssop combined with Candlesmoke Chapels Personal Cleansing Oil, which I can't recommend enough. It leaves you feeling wonderfully lifted, light and clean. Over all of this I pray my intentions and needs.

  • Rue, cleanses away evil and protects
  • Hyssop, to cleanse you as white as snow
  • Lavender to cleanse and soothe
  • Rosemary to cleanse and is also a strengthener and protector of women
  • Bay, for clarity and wisdom
  • Salt, all purpose cleansing and protection. It kinda does what you want it to.

After I've brewed this up. I place it into a large bowl and take it into the bath tub that I have filled about ankle height full with warm water. Get naked, step in and in a downward motion I pour the cleansing water over myself and run my hands down my body while washing. The downward motion indicating I am removing it from myself. I do this over and over again with the warm bath water while stating my purpose, "may I be rid of negativity, may all stagnation be washed away, etc."

When I feel a shift in energy I am done. I collect a little of this used bath water into a cup and set it aside, then drain the tub like normal.

After this, I air dry my body. I do not wipe away the work I have done with a dry towel. Air drying can suck, especially in winter but this is how I was taught and this is how I feel it is most effective. It helps to have a space heater for sure. I also like to swing my arms and legs, which gets blood flow going and the whole process is quite refreshing. Hot coffee at the ready is also beneficial.

Once I am done with that I dress myself in oils to bless. In this case I used my own blessing oil combined with a psychic visions and clarity oil. I apply this to my body starting at my feet and working upwards. The upward motion indicating you are drawing these things to yourself. The idea here is that you just washed away something and you need to replace that cleared space with a blessing, or something you want drawn to you.

After getting dressed it's time for the final act. I take the cup of water to a nearby crossroads and toss the used bath water over my left shoulder towards the rising sun. I walk home and do not look back.

I have been doing this practice for many years and I personally find it very effective. Maybe you will too!

Here's to clean slates, blessings, new pathways and fresh lunar starts!