Well, I can't drink fucking coffee right now. It's giving me heartburn. I don't know where it came from or why or how, but my blessed black dark bitter life elixir is no longer friendly towards my digestive system. So, it's been tea and eating as right as I can, when I can. Thankfully I live only a few blocks from one of Portlands best tea places, Townshend Tea. The loose leaf can rack up a bill, and very quickly I might add. A little of this one, a little of that one, $30! But dang, it tastes good. If I can't have my coffee, my tea might as well be exciting.
Besides adjusting to a new life without coffee (aka: death) it has been busy, busy, busy with odd quiet moments in between. I've been thinking a lot about my upcoming trip, putting final touches on logistics, route, gear and food. My spiritual practice and what I will be doing with myself post trail. I've been reading a few books, new and old. Setting aside ego and pride to explore things I have an irrational dislike of. Spending time with a person I love and exploring this new place of being vulnerable and really being OK and happy in that state without letting fears override me - I've been applying that to all areas of my life lately. Slowly but surely.
Like I mentioned in my last post, I am having a weird time being in a limbo of not being able to take action on some things I'd like to get started. I don't usually put the lid on things and right now I have no choice but to keep the lid on this I WANNA DO IT NOW stew of ideas and plans. A very good exercise for someone like myself. It will also be a great to come back from my trip and have a course of action I can take, that way I hopefully don't get caught up in post trail blues.
I did a cool thing earlier this month and gave my living room couch away for free on Craigslist. I then moved my bed into my living room and now, I have a blank slate of a room that will be solely dedicated to witchcraft related activities. I've been dipping back into old practices and relationships to deity and spirit that I had set aside for a few years. While my house is primarily conducive and supportive of my practices, I don't know why I had never thought of doing this before. I'm glad I did. I'm looking forward to doing more with it when I get back from the coast.
On Instagram I have been doing another month long tarot challenge! I love these and I especially love doing these with a new deck, as it gives you such a great opportunity to work with it on the daily. I chose to work with the Wild Unknown, a deck I own but have had an aversion to since it is so very popular and hip. To challenge myself on this, I decided to use the deck and get over my ridiculous snobbery. So far, it has been powerful to work with and I definitely appreciate the strong voice that this deck has.
Have you seen the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot that is being produced by Uusi? Well, ya need to go look at it right now. I don't think I have been this excited by a tarot deck in... forever. Not only does this deck have the traditional 78 cards, but it has FIVE lunar cards and "Seeker" card. How cool is this deck? The Lunar cards might be a great way to work with time frames within readings. Who knows! I'll have to try it out.
The folks behind Uusi are super great people too. I got a little post card in the mail from them to let me know when my deck would ship and when the book will be arriving as well. Decks should be arriving in August, the companion book in October. I like that the book will be coming out a few months down the road after the deck, as it will give me to opportunity to read and work with it purely by imagery and intuition, my preferred method of card reading. EXCITED!
For a long time, I harboured a dislike of Amanda Palmer. I didn't have any real rational reasoning for this. I think that sometimes, it is good to explore our dislike of something - just to check in on where that is coming from within us. Likely, we dislike that someone or something because it presents to us our lack, or they inspire jealously because we are not living like them, or are as great as them, or living a fabulous life like them, or are married to your author crush Neil Gaiman, happy, successful, or any other number of things you feel you are not or have not.
In the same vein of challenging myself to read with the Wild Unknown tarot, I decided I needed to read her book The Art of Asking. Magically, the book appeared in my lap - a side benefit of loving a man who works for the best bookstore in Portland and possibly North America.
I'm about a quarter of the way through and I think I have underlined and made notes on half the pages so far. If you are doing anything, anything at all - perusing your passions in any shape and form, you will love this book. As an entrepreneur and someone who has bucked at conventional ways of living my whole life, this book has been hugely affirming so far. Especially within the realms of work that makes one vulnerable, like reading tarot for example. She really highlights the struggle of an artist and the effect of crushing self-doubt.
It's really good. And as I figured, my dislike of her was not about her but about me and my own self-worth. Good things to explore.
When I leave the Portland metro area, sometimes I realize that I forget where I live. It's been nice to go with someone and be able to share seeing beauty like this.
I had the pleasure of driving my friend Ashley and her husband Marcos out for a two day backpacking trip! It was great seeing them and we all went for a dip at the hot springs. It had been ages since I'd been here. It's a popular spot for Portland folks. Beautiful nonetheless.
Sadly, someone took it upon themselves to sprinkle glitter all over the trail. Sigh.
I feel like a complete dork, but if I am within the vacinity of the PCT, I have to stop. Even if it's just to walk a few hundred feet of trail. You can see it snaking along behind me there. It carries the footsteps of so many people, all their pain and hunger and who the fuck knows what else. A year and a half of longing makes that narrow path something very, very special and symbolic to me. 10 measly months and it'll be my home for a little while.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I am curious, because I know I am not the only one. Have you tried exploring something you irrationally dislike? Did you ever discover the root cause?
My next post will likely, maybe, be from my tent while I am on the coast. See you then!