Purging vs. Transmutation
I was told once, my love life is destined to be tumultuous. I can certainly say, it has turned out that way thus far. It isn't something I'm terribly woeful about. It's life and it's experience and I treasure that kind of beauty. Sometimes though, it does leave a bad taste in ones mouth and mind: regrets, anger, resentment and bitterness take hold and can consume and erase the goodness.
As I reached towards something I was given the other day, beginning yet another purging process, I stopped myself.
Why for?
It's a choice, to look at an object that was given in affection and sweetness and allow it to become something poisonous (subjective I know, but applicable for me currently). It is a choice to hang on to the moments of anger, the feelings of betrayal, the feelings of abandonment. It can override everything else and take a powerful root, like invasive brambles of the mind. Choking, biting, twisted. Today I decided, that objects given in affection, joy, sweetness, should be treasured. Even if the outcome with that person becomes sour.
“ if the medicine is bitter, know this bitterness holds the power of healing and when you are tempted to scapegoat don’t forget that you can always become the goat.”
Today I realized, I must forgive. I am the goat and I am learning. Somehow, I hope to figure out that alchemical process necessary to find the healing within bitterness. I know that I will, but it will be a process and take time. So I will seek as seekers do.
I do I forgive you. I forgive the ones that cheated, that stole from me, abused me, manipulated and lied. I forgive myself, for lashing out in anger, for allowing my own bitterness to spread and consume, for holding on to what needs to be let go... all for the sake of pride, of making a point, of justice questing. And I hope, that they can forgive me in turn for my wrong doings.
Even if you must walk away from someone who is no good, or they walk away from you, or you send them packing, treasure what was. Your path crosses with another for a reason, always, I think.
Transmute it.