New Moon in Leo Tarot Horoscopes

Welcome to this cycle of the New Moon horoscopes, I hope that y'all find them resonant to your sign. Consider reading for both your sun sign, and your rising sign, as they can both be helpful. You can find your rising sign through astro.com or astrotheme.com or any natal chart generator.

These posts are generated by my Patreon supporters, and if you feel you enjoy my work and wish to support it, you can check out what I do there. I offer early content, personalized readings, herbal care packages and snail mail options and some other things as rewards for support.


Many of us have been left feeling like we barely survived July and this eclipse season. But here you are: still breathing, heart still beating, witnessing the rise and fall of the sun, the shift of the moon, the grasses becoming golden, the day light hours becoming a little bit shorter.

Our collective cards for this next cycle sit thusly: Strength, Three of Swords and the Two of Wands.

Photo Aug 11, 8 08 45 AM.jpg

In my own heart, I can feel the raw piercing emotions of the Three of Swords. Collectively, this has already taken place for us. It isn't actively happening right now. The swords were already drawn and bared down so thoroughly through our hearts. This is a loss or sadness we already carry. The shock and dismay may have transpired through last cycle and here we see ourselves moving through these emotions.

With Strength preceding this card, it is a reminder that we have the tenacity, the will to direct our raw power into new parts of our journey. All of us are getting an overhaul in some part of our lives. These qualities were with us before the shit hit the fan, we may not have known it though at the time. But here you are, on the other side of it all, heart wrenched, but feet firmly logged into the ground.

The Three of Swords tells us not to turn a blind eye to our emotions, to what our hearts are feeling in the ways of pain and loss. We need to move through them lest they become monsters that haunt us for some time.

In the tumultuousness of it all, we would do well to do self examination from a place that gives us a view of the full scope our situations, this is the Two of Wands. A place where we can plan, formulate and turn to ways of moving forward. Growth is in store here, as it is when it is preceded by the nourishment of our attentions.

And if you have not cried in some time, it may do you well to allow yourself the gift of that release.

 

ARIES

Photo Aug 11, 8 03 38 AM.jpg

5 of Pentacles

Rations may be feeling low this cycle but you may also let yourself in and away from harsh elements, inoculating your space and yourself from things that detract you on your course. It may not seem this way at first, but you will acclimate. Extravagance is not advised at this time. Conditions will eventually give way to a clearing and rebirth of abundance in all senses of the word.

You magic this cycle: tree bark and roots, being thrifty.


TAURUS

Photo Aug 11, 8 04 07 AM.jpg

3 of Pentacles

What are you building and who are you co-creating with? They need to be those who will put in the work and support you. Those who are impeding this progress might not deserve the gift of your time. These are beginning stages of a foundation that will play out deeply into your future. The rest of the structures stability is all dependent on the integrity of the foundation. Who and what do you build with?

Your magic this cycle: drafting plans, the closest of allies.


GEMINI

Photo Aug 11, 8 04 16 AM.jpg

10 of Wands

Your activities, do the burden of them blind you? If this is a truth you need to rest and regroup your priorities for the sake of your self and boundaries. Curiosity leads you many places, but find an organization so that you're not scattered about. Collect and sort so that you may see your way through any entanglements you carry.

Your magic this cycle: blackberry leaf tea, avoiding metaphorical bramble thickets.


CANCER

Photo Aug 11, 8 04 31 AM.jpg

3 of Swords

Perhaps you were the sign most deeply moved and hit this last cycle, you're still swimming in an ocean of emotions. Don't linger too long for fear of drowning and don't deny the weight and gravity of your own experiences, do not dismiss them. Feel, weep and know there's another side to this coin. Trust the process and allow tears to nourish the ground holding seeds that will awaken from dormancy.

Your magic this cycle: Tending to seeds, house plants and gardens - watering them.


LEO

Photo Aug 11, 8 04 41 AM.jpg

Page of Cups

Truth you for this cycle is rooted in the intuition of your youthful, young self. The part that knows the messages incoming, that voice of knowing – to be your guide. Curiosity must be open and flowing, without the conditions of judgment that grow into unmanageable beasts as adults and can obstruct this flow. Find the obstruction should it exist and work to undo as a child would. Nothing is outlandish.

Your magic this cycle: favorite animal/pet/stuffed animal as a child, your art.


VIRGO

Photo Aug 11, 8 04 58 AM.jpg

7 of Wands

Some may question your methods, your motives, but you know what is good for you and you know what is true for you. You are prone to nervousness in what others think, but rooting yourself well in your body and your course is the right action to take. They will bear down on you, but you will find a high point amid a sea of chaotic energy. It's actually not as bad as it seems.

Your magic this cycle: good posture, high points: hills, mountains, boulders.


LIBRA

Photo Aug 11, 8 05 11 AM.jpg

9 of Cups

There's been a great deal of work around an emotional matter, it's seen you through joy and sorrow, mirth and visions, rejection and walking away from something that meant a great deal, all leading you to this singular point and cusp of culmination of deep fulfillment. There will be one more phase, then many others. Wishes granted when staying the course that is true to yourself. However this habitat is sensitive, so tend and walk carefully.

Your magic this cycle: rich watersheds, a beloved beverage vessel.


SCORPIO

Photo Aug 11, 8 05 30 AM.jpg

2 of Swords

You've come to an impasse. Damming the flow of emotions and thoughts will not serve you well at this time, as the moon shifts so to do the tides. If there is one thing that water dislikes the most it is being blocked from flow and moment. It would be wise to uncross your heart and open that valve a little bit, even if just a millimeter. The pressure may build to extremes if left unchecked. In doing so, something will be revealed.

Your magic this cycle: free flowing creeks and undamed rivers, moon magic.


SAGITTARIUS

Photo Aug 11, 8 05 43 AM.jpg

4 of Cups

Your nature contains naturally a deep restlessness, but now calls for a time of repose and meditation. Sturdy your back against something solid and secure and think on what sits before you, before making a move. Of this an opportunity may come your way and to unbusy yourself will put you more in the way of receiving it.

Your magic this cycle: forest bathing, meditation practice.


CAPRICORN

Photo Aug 11, 8 06 00 AM.jpg

4 of Pentacles

It's time to put yourself, your possessions and your time on lock. These are precious commodities that need to be protected at this time. Some form of withdraw you may find helpful, however maybe more difficult said than done. Dig back into old treasures and keep keys hidden and out of sight to those eyes need not fall on them.

Your magic this cycle: keys and chest. 


AQUARIUS

Photo Aug 11, 8 06 09 AM.jpg

Queen of Wands

A call for heat and warmth to enter your being if you've found yourself too cool. Femme fire magics and allies that take the form of sleek felines are needed at this time. This energy is one that is generated from an inward attention, that then radiates outward. In this, you'll find yourself in a loving rulership of your own sovereignty and queendom. Any challenges and adversity will be overcome with your own radiating force and hearty laughter

Your magic this cycle: sun beams, bouquets with sunflowers and cats.


PISCES

Photo Aug 11, 8 06 18 AM.jpg

Death

This marks the ending of a cycle and the beginning of a new. Change is not easy, bu something that dies will give way to new life, new pathways, new ways of being. The best course of action is to be the fish you are and swim with the current. There are times to fight and times to move with efficiency, move with the grace and wisdom you have deep in your own being. Look to the rising sun, each day is a new beginning. 

Your magic this cycle: white roses for peace, dawn.   


These posts are generated by my Patreon supporters, and if you feel you enjoy my work and wish to support it, you can check out what I do there. I offer early content, personalized readings, herbal care packages and snail mail options and some other things as rewards for support.

New Moon in Cancer Tarot Horoscopes

Hello friends. Over on my Instagram I've been sharing little lunar tarot based horoscopes for folks. It was requested by a few that I put this up in a place that can be referenced without the limitations of the 2 hour time window of the fun stories feature on Instagram. So, here I am, and here we are. This gives a lot more room for expression and extrapolation.

This work is supported by my generous Patreon subscribers and if you like what you see here, consider a $1 subscription to support these posts!

FINDING TRUTH AND CLARITY THROUGH UNUSUAL PERSPECTIVE

Photo Jul 11, 5 16 09 PM.jpg

Our collective response and need for this particular lunation is highlighted by the Hanged Man and the Ace of Swords. The Moon is naturally at home in the sign of Cancer and here we can see the stirrings of truths that come to light through having our world, or our perception of it, upended. Cancer is a sign of the home, the mother and nurturing. This new moon urges us inwards a bit and to nestle down and relax into places in ourselves that may cause emotional discomfort. It is from this place that we can gain an advantageous source of clarity, despite the fact it seems like the opposite.

The Hanged Man surrenders to their position, they relax into it. In this surrendering and trusting of ourselves, we will each come to a clarity around a matter in our lives around this lunar cycle. The Ace of Swords affirms the victory of this truth in store for us. Trust your process, be soft with yourself, witness your pains and treat them gently, as they will open the way to a greater understanding of yourself.

THE SIGNS

Read for both your sun sign and rising sign. Don't know you rising sign? You'll need to exact time, date and place of birth to determine it.  You can use astro.com, astrotheme.com, or astrolabe.com

ARIES

uusi pagan otherworlds ace of pentacles

Ace of Pentacles

Earthly abundance is on your side at this time, Aries. Secure your foundation and keep a strong tether there for this cycle, for it is here that abundance and the fruition of your visions will manifest into physical reality. Tend, nurture, feed and dig deep. Bring only your most trusted into your sanctuary, share and it will return to you.

Your magic for this cycle: Bare feet on the ground, flower medicine, root vegetables.


TAURUS

IMG_5763.JPG

Page of Pentacles

Approach with curiosity to what is showing up for you. Don't be quick to judge, look at the situation from all sides, study and observe with a child like mind. This cycle it will be good to nurture your young inner person and perhaps revisit practices that enlivens this part of yourself. Be mindful of messages coming in that prick your ears up, for they contain vital and interesting information useful to your growth and unfolding.

Your magic for this cycle: Return to an old book, childhood comfort food, self-study.


GEMINI

IMG_5759.JPG

The Chariot

Your willpower needs to be reined in at this time, as the Twin of the zodiac, it is time to unite the polarity of your dual nature to accomplish a task at this time. This may seems a daunting work for you under current circumstances, but trust that in this deep work, you will come out victorious. Something powerful blooms under this cycle for you. Bring the two parts into a whole, center yourself and charge forth on your errand.

Your magic for this cycle: grounding practice, lunar magic, joyride.


CANCER

IMG_5760.JPG

8 of Cups

This lunation may have you feeling very very deeply, as you are one of the deepest feelers in the zodiac. Something in this is causing a restlessness you may not be able to shake. You feel you must go, and if you feel stuck, you must go in whatever shape or form that takes for you. Sadness may nip of the periphery, but trust that in your journey of movement through the cycle some revealing will come your way. Trust that solitude will feed you at this time.

Your magic for this cycle: the ocean, a long walk, nourishing waters.


LEO

IMG_5761.JPG

Three of Pentacles

Gather round your closest collaborators, your dearest support network to lay the foundation of something you've been longing to build. Show your work to those who will give you the truest feedback so that you can create and see the flourishing of what vision you long have held. Seek an elder, seek a peer. Lay carefully your foundation, as this may be the one to support you for a long time coming.

You magic this cycle: rough drafts, stones, your closest allies.


VIRGO

IMG_5757.JPG

Two of Cups

If love is a subject of concern for you, keep yourself open and in a place to receive this love. Approach with curiosity and gentleness and do what you can to limit your own self doubts. You are worthy. Period. There is no question to your worthiness. If not another person, this love should be generated to yourself. Uniting polarities within for wholeness. 

Your magic for this cycle: acts of self care, river water, honey.


LIBRA

IMG_5765.JPG

King of Pentacles

Sovereignty of self, of your own personal domain, wealth and prosperity and how you accumulate and manage these things is at the forefront right now. You are very capable of these endeavors and of generating the security you desire. Your gaze should not be too far ahead, or too far behind you, but what is in your hands now will inform how you get there.

Your magic for this cycle: self stewardship, forest bathing, hoofed creatures.


SCORPIO

IMG_5762.JPG

Page of Cups

Your intuitive levels are flying high right now. Trust the messages being received at this time. Look at them critically, but also seek for that underlying message from spirit, the under current of which you are well familiar with. Feelings are not always facts, but for now, trust they will guide you well in any major decision making processes. Stay light of heart.

Your magic this cycle: tide pools, herbal teas, consulting an oracle.


SAGITTARIUS

IMG_5758.JPG

5 of Cups

Mourn the loss, but do not linger for too long. For this cycle, minimize distractions that get in the way of your own healing. Check emotional thought patterns and redirect the flow if at all possible. The goodness of love and blessings is quite near to you, there needs to be a shift in perception. Do the thing that brings in personal joy for yourself. 

Your magic for this cycle: creative practice, a river visit, star/sky gazing.


CAPRICORN

IMG_5756.JPG

The World

You've endured a whole host of ordeals and tribulations and blessings leading up to this point. Some seen, some unseen, some external and some internal battles. This lunar cycle is is going to pivot you from an ending to the precipice of beginning, but with all the knowledge gathered from previous experiences informing your steps forward. Be mindful. Put yourself in a place to be seen, be with those who deeply see you.

Your magic for this cycle: making an announcement, vulnerability, tree magic. 


AQUARIUS

IMG_5755.JPG

Strength

Unchecked primal power can be highly destructive and yet in the wake of destruction much is revealed and we learn much about ourselves and our base reactions. It is likely that you've already got a handle on this pulse of power, and now is the time to trust this process of the understanding you've come to inhabit. Others may find you foolish to caress the mouth of the bear, but your most potent magic is to be found in the ecstasy of this thrill. 

Your magic for this cycle: lunar worship, bear magic, tree roots.


PISCES

IMG_5764.JPG

4 of Pentacles

Be mindful of where your physical energies are moving at this time. Account for your personal belongings and monetary assets. You may need to hold them close, you may need to put them under lock and key, you may need to be mindful of who you open that up to and who you grant access. This extends to matters of the heart. Protect yourself, but not at the cost of resisting a beautiful opportunity.

Your magic for this cycle: keys, secrets kept, wind in the leaves.

 

If you've enjoyed this, please consider supporting my work on Patreon, where I offer other tarot related writings and readings.

ENGLISH DAISY FLOWER ESSENCE: UNION + TRANSFORM + CARRYING A LIGHT INTO THE DARK

In my daily walks to and from my yurt my eyes are caught by various little beings. Some more vibrantly and shockingly than others. In our mixed days of spring, where the air is cool, then warm, then the sky cloudy, heavy and sometimes sunny, warm rains and some cold mists... a small flower kept catching my eye. Small white flowers, pink and purple at the tips dot the landscape, like clusters of stars in patches of grass, here and there. Continually they caught my fascination. Each soft petal of perfection, with a bright yellow center. They appeared soft, joyful and gentle.

I had long been holding the desire to make a flower essence. Something about the process seemed weirdly complicated to me, or like I would need the necessary supplies and perfect conditions to make my fragile essence of soft white flowers.

Each time I walked by them, the desire and call to make an essence grew and grew, to a fevered pitch that would not be ignored. I took this as an indicator that the plant was indeed calling, and we were reaching out to one another, to unify in some way.

Without my perfect conditions, tools and supplies I found the following: a unmarked glass bowl, a pair of regular scissors, a pretty bottle I bought for future (flower) mother essence holding and a skunk cabbage leaf to hold the snipped flowers. I checked the time and planetary hour. It just so happened to be the hour of Venus, on the day of Venus, while she is stationed in the sign of Gemini. The sun had three hours left on the day and was beaming golden and warm as it set in the west. The moon, waning, indicative of a time where we begin to shift inward as the moon becomes increasingly dark.

Medicine happens out of necessity.

And so I went to the most vibrant little cluster of flowers and asked them to impart their wisdom, healing and essence into the water I had collected from our tap, that comes from our clean well. I whispered my words over them and then went about the task of snipping the flowering tops while collecting them without touching them into the wide skunk cabbage leaf. I was mindful of my thoughts and turned them towards a soft childlike curiosity. I placed them carefully on the surface of the water, one by one in the waning golden light. Once the surface was covered, I set it up high on some bricks, surrounded by sage and yarrow to collect the light and then collect the shifting lights, the light of dusk and darkening hours. Carrying her soft medicine into shifting tides.

english daisy flower essence

The time had come to collect it, it was in the crepuscular hours, when many creatures emerge, when the air shifts, when a coolness descends upon our little valley... I decanted the magical water into my beautiful bottle and topped it off with some vodka to preserve it. Brandy seemed too dark, to off a color for this delicate little flower and her pure clear essence.

english daisy flower essence

My emotional state surrounding all this had been quite anxious. A sense of darkness and doom surrounded me. It was not halting me from operating in the day to day, but it most certainly created obstacles for me in my focus an general well being.

The next morning while it was quite early, I sat over my ritual of journaling, meditation and coffee. The bottle shown clear and shimmering at me from my table. I decide to take a strong dose of the mother essence and see what came up, with no prior knowledge to this flower in essence form.

I quieted myself and tuned into my body. I was feeling frustrated towards social obligations, behind, anxious, a little gloomy, emotionally drained and tapped out.

I took three drops under the tongue and let it settle there. I breathed deeply.

A soft radiant warmth washed down from my clavicle, over my heart and settled neatly into my pelvic bowl and gut. The feeling was that my whole torso was enlivened with a warmth and bubbling feeling in my gut. Slowly, amid my responsibilities I had for the day, a joy surfaced and I was able to smile. Even though I had tasks to attend to, I was much calmer about them. It reinstated my joy in being.

The more I sat, I got the sense of being held very gently at the back of my neck. Like a mother would support the neck of her young infant child. My thoughts turned to the gentle pinks and purple splashes of color on some of the flowers and loving femme nature this flower possesses. The intention of this being made and gathered under the guise of Venus should not be lost on the user. There is very much a nurturing femme quality to this blend. Encouraging us to soften where we may harden off, or close our eyes.

My worries did not dissipate, but it gave me a soft nurturing and joyful influences with which to approach and carry forward with in my condition, in a more constructive way.

A few scant drops lingered in my glass dropper and I rubbed them into my hand and began to shuffle my tarot cards to see if this little English daisy would like to speak through the cards.

Two of Cups + The Hermit

IMG_4977.JPG

The Two of Cups suggests a unification within us and outside of us (as within so without) like a reconciliation of our parts. We all desire to merge and I believe that a good practice in this work starts with ourselves. This card also holds quite a bit of joy in that unification. This is the erotic, sympathetic attraction. Which should be recognized that when we are called strongly to make a medicine, this is eroticism in action... The Hermit speaks to carrying this light, the light that this particular flower collects into the darkness. That this then generates an ability within us to hold on to this guiding light and joy and not become lost, as we are in transition or undergoing transformation, or quiet introspection.

All flowers are naturally of the realm of Venus.  

Daisy may be a corruption of “day's eye” and can be sourced from the Anglo-Saxon doeges-sege meaning “eye of the day” as the flower is open during the day, and closing at night. Bellis seems to have its etymological roots in the word, “pretty” and perennis meaning “everlasting” - so here we have Beauty Everlasting, Eye of the Day. Who would not want to carry her into the night in a lovely safe container, or lantern such as the Hermit carries?

There is also perhaps a legend, but I cannot find any proof if it in classical texts of the Roman god Vertumnus giving chase to the nymph Belides of who the genus of this was named after. In his quest to dominate and seduce her, she transformed herself into a daisy, thus escaping him.

In this, it made me wonder these stories of women and nymphs transforming themselves into a plants, flower or bird to escape their oppressor. Why do we have these stories and myths? To give solace to the oppressed, to find wisdom in our traumas be they personal, collective or handed down through generations.

Upon further exploration of the Belides, we find that this is another name for the Danaides. The 50 daughters of Danaus. Ovid gave them the name Belides, which stems from the name of their grandfather, Belus. These daughters were made to marry the sons Aegyptus, a king born of a river god and watery nymph, and then compelled to to murder their husbands on the first night. All of them did this with the exception of one. The 49 daughters who did commit the crime, were subsequently punished, and made to pour water into a bottomless vessel. 

There's much to explore from such a humble low growing flower...  

And so, after having sat with this delicate medicine this is what I feel it has to offer those who have need of her wisdom, grace and gentleness.

  • To reinstate soft, compassionate joy.
  • Holding a light while going into darkness.
  • Exploring purity and innocence of our being.
  • Warm gentle Venusian support.
  • Joy amid our responsibilities.
  • Maintain a tether to joy and softness as we shift into deep introspection.
  • Sweet bubbly feelings in the gut.
  • Turning into our torso: clavicle, heart, gut and pelvic regions.

This essence will be available in my shop. Presented in a small ½ ounce bottle with a dropper and a hand-painted label infused with the daisy essence itself. Just a reminder, all Patreon supporters receive 5% off in my shop, no matter the donation level $1-$20.

References

  • The Herbal Medicine Makers Handbook by James Green
  • Theoi.com
  • Alchemy-works.com
  • Native American Ethnobotany by Daniel Moerman

Beginning in Tarot Part 1: Books & Resources

So, you wanna learn how to read tarot? Or you have a deck and don't know exactly where to begin. That's what this little series is here to cover!

924696_1494054250920942_1952264399_n.jpg

I'm gunna start off light and easy here and cover books and resources because this is a question I get asked the most.

Since books, websites and resources are a huge help when getting started with your tarot practice, I want to do this first. This is by no means a super comprehensive list, but a great place to start. You don't need a lot of books on the tarot to learn how to read it. These are books I have read myself, know of through other folks who opinion or publishing I hold in high esteem.

This list is short and sweet, as too much will muddle your mind. Books and resources are great, because they can open you up to new ways of seeing the cards and diving deeper into mythological and historical meaning. That said, the best way to learn the meaning of the cards is so simple: look at the card and notice what you see and feel come up around your situation. There's your meaning.

BOOKS

78 Degrees of Wisdom by Rachel Pollack

The Easiest Way to Learn the Tarot - Ever! by Dusty White

The Pictorial Key to the Tarot by A. E. Waite

The Ultimate Guide to the Rider-Waite Tarot by Johannes Fiebig 

Tarot for Yourself by Mary Greer

21 Ways to Read a Tarot Card by Mary Greer

Holistic Tarot by Benebell Wen

The Game of Saturn by Peter Mark Adams

WEBSITES

Biddy Tarot  

The Tarot Lady 

Little Red Tarot (Queer friendly!) + Alternative Tarot Course! 

The Queer Tarot Project 

Learn Tarot (so simple and wonderful)

The Wild Unknown One by One 

And there y'all have it! Let me know if you have any questions at all, or if there's something very specific you'd like for me to cover around tarot for my next post. 

Witch Hovel in the Woods, the Light of Usnea: Home Now

After sleeping in a warehouse for three weeks after my 5 month hike on the PCT, I find myself driving to Eugene one sunny fall afternoon to look at a home. I found it on a whim on Craigslist while dreading reintroduction back into "regular world." The people who lived on the property liked me immediately and in our email changes we communicated with a familiar language. 

I am greeted by M, who shakes my hand and the shirt he is wearing tells me I am with my people. Local environmental activism. We walk around the property and he picks up acorns which he will dry, leach and grind into flour later. We talk about lichen and fungi dyes.

My heart breaks when I enter the main central building on the property. Filled with skylights, wood panels and that smell. Why is it that us more feral folk have that smell? A large wood stove anchors the room together and the walls on the southeast facing part of the building are just windows. A nuthatch crawls on the oak outside the window, chickens peck in the yard and a bobtailed cat suns itself on the couch.

Photo Dec 08, 9 31 22 AM.jpg

I leave with my heart pounding and my fingers crossed as I drive back to my warehouse couch. 

I move in a month later.

witch hovel

And, I sit. I sit and I stare out the window of my small yurt dwelling, perched up on a hill, surrounded by oak, pine and swaying usnea. I make a small altar at my own southeast facing window, where I watch the glow of the sun come up over the far hill. Sometimes, it lights the lichen up in the canopy first. Setting the whole place aglow, with brilliant shimmering mossy light reflected out of billions of dew droplets.

I pull out my old friends one by one, my crow bones, my squirrel bones and fox from a box labeled "WITCH SHIT". They feel cold, as we haven't seen each other for almost 9 months. My bone throwing set feels coldest of all, I breathe on them and they stir a little. They need fire, warmth, touch.

And so I make fires, as it's my only source of heat. I set the newspaper up, the kindling and wait and watch. "A watched fire will never lite correctly," I tell myself. 

I track mud into my room, lichen finds its way in and into my hair, alder sticks in my bed.

At night the rain hits the oculus skylight in the center of my roof. I panic, my trail mind going into survival mode. The drops sound like a leaking tent wall, and it takes me a little while to find the rain soothing during cold times. But isn't that for the domesticated? I ask myself. 

How to I keep my feral creature awake? 

The deer family, a small herd of doe and their young, greet me on my dimly lit morning walks down to the main house for coffee. Fine mist swirls in the air and fills my lungs. I hear them bounding off in their elegant leeps thunk! thunk! thunk! Hearing the ground bear the weight of their lithe prancing bodies, they look back at me with caution. My favorite is a young buck, the cutest of all.

I brew coffee and watch him out the window eating the usnea and the fallen lichen. His fur is thick and ruffled in some spots. He turns away and follows his mother up the hill and into the forest. My landmates wake and they make bird calls to each other in the morning, while coffee brews and eggs turn white in bacon fat and well conditioned cast iron.

Photo Jan 14, 5 00 24 PM.jpg

The anxiety of the rain never leaves me, I still wake sometimes at night and panic a little. 

Going To Town becomes an ordeal of maintaining my anxiety levels. I can breathe right when I finally get home again. But the town holds me better than Portland did. I see the usnea hanging from rearview mirrors. At the small grocery store, I buy dried pineapple and the old man behind the counter wishes me a happy solstice, instead of happy holidays. 

Eugene was an old bastion of green anarchism and radical environmentalism, since gone silent. Much that is wild and feral seems to be going silent as time passes. You can see see it though persisting like dormant seeds in the soil: in the bathroom graffiti, on the street corner, in quiet passing conversations, back patches and zines left to be seen.

Waiting.

On the solstice night, coming up from the house after a shower a wren flies into my room - in the pitch black dark. I try and try to shoo it away, but instead it roosts in my oculus and blinks at me. I shrug and eventually put myself to sleep. All night the little wren sleeps quietly. We wake at the same time, right as the sky begins to shift into light. I open my door and it flies away like nothing has happened. I feel it was an omen, but of what I have no clue.

Photo Dec 22, 9 11 02 AM.jpg

I keep sitting, for a month. I cry a little, I develop a romance with someone to distract me, I try to write but I cannot, I sit in hot springs and see the decaying leaves of Aralia californica, drooping weeping, my body aching for warmth and I stroke the lines the sun made on my body, remembering. Nothing can come out. Nothing wants to come out. 

Every night I dream about being on the PCT. Sometimes, it's snowing and I am still out there. Waiting in some warm building wondering to myself why am I waiting? It's done. I did it. Go home. Then I am filled with sadness and the deepest longing.

Sometimes I accept and refuse my post trail depression. Mostly, the sitting was deep metabolization of... everything that happened. And I loved it, I swam in it, drank deeply from it.

In those last cold Washington days, as I approached the Canadian border I knew, I was going to find my witch hovel in the woods. Where I would incubate myself with plants and spirit and fire.

And they must have agreed, because here I am.

My mornings now filled with incense and water in offering to the spirits of this land, to my own spirits that watch over me and walk with me, and to my ancestors. I write my dreams down and pray for more rain, as our winter so far has been so dry. It makes my nerve endings feel sapped and brittle. Like usnea left to dry. 

Photo Jan 02, 10 17 29 AM.jpg

I snap dried alder twigs for tincture and pour pine pitch salves, I set the florida water out under that Cancer full moon. I find my flow. I let myself sink into the difference of now vs. then. I manage to find ways to make myself suffer for my pleasures. For the goodness I have.

Funny, how for some of us, we feel we must suffer to have good things and so we create this ourselves. "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven," I mock to myself. "So the John Milton says." Sometimes I tip my head back and cackle at myself.

I find my plant allies that will help me with my mind and they soothe me. 

A wind rattles through the trees one night, leaving piles of usnea glowing on the ground. They mesmerize me. If I am so attracted to them, they must be attracted to me. So I collect them, they fill all corners of my room. Leaving the scent of air, the trees, the wild.

Which I try so hard to keep within me.